


Say Hello Again

by I_am_a_Ruin



Series: After AU [1]
Category: Hetalia: Axis Powers
Genre: Angst, Chapter Four is fluff in reward for perseverance, F/F, Mentioned Ameripan, Mentioned Gerita - Freeform, This is sooo angsty omg, all I have to say is sorry, but not really, i'm really mean and I'm sorry, implied FrUK, possible trigger warning, there's only three characters in here that aren't only just mentioned
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-23
Updated: 2016-10-04
Packaged: 2018-08-16 22:27:27
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 3,753
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8119903
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/I_am_a_Ruin/pseuds/I_am_a_Ruin
Summary: No summaries for you. Just read. You shouldn't. But do it. Rebel





	1. Chapter 1

Julchen hugged her long, black coat tighter around her frame, trembling. It was so cold. The world was so terribly cold. The rain came down in heavy, thick sheets that blinded her to the world and pasted her hair to her face. She brought the dripping roses closer to her, desperate to protect them as best she could. 

“Maddie.” She breathed, searching for her. 

The brunette smiled at her jovially from across the street and rushed into the dangerous traffic. Julchen nearly screamed. But then Maddie was next to her, pigtails clinging to her cheeks and grinning, totally safe. She wanted to wrap Madeline in a bone-crushing hug and never ever let her go. 

“Soda?” Madeline asked after giving her a peck on the cheek and gestured to the soda shop behind them. 

Julchen nodded, feeling dizzy. They went in and were seated. Maddie’s soft little hands lay on the table and she smiled up at the Prussian. Julchen fought the urge to grab her hand and just kiss her fingers and hold it forever. Maddie’s smile caused Julchen’s chest to ache. 

“You’re so beautiful.” Julchen murmured, mirroring her smile.

Madeline ordered them a Coke to share. The waitress brought it over and shot Julchen a sympathetic glance. Julchen wondered why, but shrugged it off. Maddie pushed the glass over to her along with a straw. She took a sip. It was sweet at first, the bubbles fizzing on her tongue. But the second sip was pure soda water. There wasn’t enough syrup. She made face at the gross taste but said nothing, distracted again by Maddie’s hands. She drummed her fingers on the side of the table to distract herself from the want to hold. 

It was quiet, but the nice kind and Julchen wasn’t interested in breaking it. But then Madeline pulled a phone out of her bag and set it in front of Julchen, taking the drink back. Julchen looked at her, confused. It was Julchen’s phone. 

“Maddie?” She asked tentatively.

“It’s time to read the texts, Julchen.” Maddie said gently, setting her hand sweetly on Julchen’s. “Go on, love.” 

Julchen pushed the phone away, shaking her head. “No. No, I don’t want to. Let’s just spend some time together, hm?” She smiled at her brightly and reached for Maddie’s hand. 

Maddie shook her head as well, looking sad. “Juchen. You need to do this. You have to. For me, please.”

Julchen picked up the phone and turned it on. Her hand was shaking so hard, she had to reenter the password twice. Her recent messages came up.

**From: Birdie**

“Please-” Julchen begged, looking up at the Canadian. “Please, Maddie. Please.” She was afraid.

“You can do it.” Maddie reassured. 

Julchen looked down and clicked on the name. It pulled up the messages. She read through her own first, taking a deep breath.

**Sent: Dinner tonite?**

**Sent: Pancakes?**

**Sent: Maddie?**

**Sent: Maddie? Did you have a rough day?**

**Sent: I’ll make you pancakes, okay?**

**Sent:** **_Ich leibe dich_ ** **.**

**Received: No, I**

**Received: Goodbye**

**Received: I’m so sorry, Julchen**

**Sent: MADDIE**

**Sent: MADDIE?**

**Sent: Madeline?**

**Sent: Please answer me**

**Sent: I love you I love you**

**Sent: Please**

Tears rushed down her face, sobs wracking her body so hard she dropped her phone with a earsplitting thud on the table. She held herself and curled up. “Why. Why. I forgot… I…”

A hand was set on her shoulder and she looked up hopefully. “Maddie?”

The face was not Madeline Williams. It was the waitress. She was trying to help. She was trying so hard. 

Julchen screamed with pain, throwing herself from the booth. “ _ NO! _ ” 

She ran outside into the rain, falling hard on the cement. She didn’t get back up. The roses crushed under her but she no longer cared. 

“Why’d you do it? Why? I loved you… I love you.. Maddie. Maddie. Come home, birdie. Please. Come home. Come back.” 

Her words were lost in the uncaring storm. 

She wondered, in the midst of the sharp, heart-wrenching pain, how she could have possibly forgotten. Forgotten the funeral. Forgotten the finding. Seeing her. Seeing her only it wasn’t her. Because she was gone. Gone for good.

Everyone kept trying to tell her to move on. But how could she? She could not even say goodbye.


	2. Chapter Two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hey, warning: mentions of suicide in this chapter  
> This one is set about a week before the first chapter and this one will hurt you. If suicide can set you off in some way, I'm asking you to not read this. I don't want to seriously hurt any of my readers, okay? I'm just warning you these next three chapters are going to be all pain. I didn't put warnings on the first chapter because I felt like I left it vague enough but this one isn't vague and has some serious stuff so just... read with care. No hate please. i did warn you.

“Dinner with the wife tonight, huh?” Matthias teased her as Julchen clocked out. 

“Yeah. I think I’m going to make her pancakes. She deserves it. Had a really rough week.” Julchen grinned, slinging her purse over her shoulder.

“Poor kid. Must be nice, having a wife that’ll leave work early just to make your day better.” Matthias said wistfully.

Julchen patted his shoulder. “You’ll get Lukas one of these days, Matt.” 

Matthias blushed darkly. “That’s not-”

“Please! You can’t stop staring at him. I’m not blind, you want him.” Julchen laughed. “Hey, I gotta go. Have a nice night.” She winked at him and ran out the door. She pulled out her phone and sent a message to Madeline as she hailed a taxi, ‘ _ dinner tonite? _ ’

She climbed into a taxi and glanced worriedly at her phone. It wasn’t like Maddie to not answer right away. ‘ _ Pancakes?’ _

The taxi was halfway to their apartment and Julchen was growing more worried by the minute. ‘ _ Maddie?’  _

_ ‘Maddie? Did you have a rough day?’ _

Still no response. She set her phone down for a minute, tapping her leg, mentally willing the driver to go faster. She had a bad feeling. She picked her phone up and hurriedly sent another text.  _ ‘I’ll make you pancakes, okay?’  _ As an afterthought, she added  _ ‘Ich leibe dich’ _

Her phone buzzed but the message was very confusing. ‘ _ No, I’ _

It looked like Madeline had been texting something and accidentally hit send before she was ready. She waited for another text. A thought occurred to her.

“Could you stop at this store, please?” She asked, pointing to their left. Thanking him as she hurried out, she raced inside, looking for a box of chocolates for her pretty Birdie. Her phone buzzed twice, but she did not feel it. She also bought a case of beer and several bottles of maple syrup and checked out. Waiting for another taxi, she set her bags down and checked her phone. 

_ ‘Goodbye’ _

_ ‘I’m so sorry, Julchen’ _

Her stomach dropped. “ _ Mein Gott _ .” she whispered. “What did you do…” Her hands shook and she nearly knocked herself out in her hurry to get in the taxi. She forgot her bags on the sidewalk, panic forcing her to think only of her wife. She stammered out her address to the driver and told her how urgent it was to get home.  _ ‘MADDIE’ ‘MADDIE?’ _

The driver took this seriously but traffic did not seem to care. Julchen threw more than enough money up front once they were four blocks away, too impatient to deal with any more cars. She sprinted inside, forced to take the too slow elevator to the top due to the new paint job done that day. She brought out her phone desperate to at least keep Maddie talking until she got there.  _ ‘Madeline?’ ‘Please answer me.’ ‘I love you I love you’ ‘Please’ _

The elevator opened on the top floor and she ran down the hall, nearly knocking over their elderly neighbor in her rush. She yelled out an apology and had to attempt to steady her hand enough to get the key into the hole. Finally, she unlocked the door and crashed inside. The apartment was dark, only one lamp in the far corner on. It was enough. Enough to see Madeline Beilschmidt-Williams collapsed on the floor. Julchen stumbled to her, falling on her knees. 

“No. No.  _ NO _ !” She screamed, trembling hands shaking her wife. 

There was so much blood. She couldn’t figure out where it was all coming from, blinded by the rush of tears. “Maddie, no.”

Panic made her breathing harsh and ragged. But it didn’t matter. She was still breathing. And she couldn’t… she couldn’t see Maddie doing the same. She managed to call 911 in her dizzying confusion and heartbreak. She held Maddie to her, getting soaked through with her wife’s blood. She couldn’t let her go. She wept bitterly into her hair, burying her face in it’s softness. 

“I love you.  _ Ich leibe dich. Je t’aime, Maddie _ . MaddieMaddieMaddieMaddie. My little Birdie. Baby, I love you so much. Please don’t leave me.” She cried.

She did not hear the sirens or the paramedics come in. But when the tried to pull her wife away from her, she started screaming hysterically. “NO! NO! _NEIN! NEIN! NEIN_! YOU CAN’T PLEASE _NEIN!_ _Sie können nicht wegnehmen. Sie ist mein. Lieber Gotte, bitte.”_

They finally managed to coax her to let go. She followed them, one paramedic had his arm around her, talking to her gently. Her ears were ringing and the room was spinning and she couldn’t hear him over her own mutterings of her wife’s name. 

They declared her dead on the way to the hospital and Julchen sat there numbly, unbelieving. She could see the slashes on her wife’s wrists and she had seen the three mostly empty bottles of pills, the spilled glasses of water or alcohol or something but…. It could not be true. No. It was all another bad dream. 

She kept waiting to wake up. Her sister would tell her later that instead of shutting down, she had actually gone ballistic, punching one of the paramedics in the face clawing and scratching and sobbing…. But she did not remember. She only remembered sitting, staring at unseeing purple eyes and thinking she would blink and see those eyes full of life and love again. Thinking that it did not make sense and therefore could not be true. 

Monika had helped her with the funeral. 

Amy… Amelia… Their whole family… 

Julchen had seen Amelia and attacked her in hugs, and joyful sobbing, thinking for just one crazed, desperate moment, her wife had been returned to her. But then she saw the bloodshot blue blue blue blue eyes and the too short curls and too tan skin and haunted look… the look of someone left without a sister and she fell down screaming angrily. Amy did not seem to even notice this, just stood there shaking like a leaf. No one could really get Amy’s attention. She was so out of it that day… That dreadful day. Not even her girlfriend, Sakura, could snap her out of it. And it crushed Julchen’s shattered heart into fine dust. 

She still didn’t know why her precious Maddie had done it. Why she had left her and her family. So she could not believe it. She watched the coffin be lowered into the ground with dry eyes and a shaking head, knowing it must be empty. Because she was going to go home to Maddie and they were going to spend the day together. She got into her car and she drove home with a little smile, ignoring Monika’s worried looks. She was going to see her wife. 

 


	3. Chapter Three

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> And it gets worse. I'm so mean.  
> This is right after the first chapter. (the first chapter was like the day after the second) Sorry that my timeline is all jumpy. It's how I work.  
> Again, suicide warnings

Julchen walked into their apartment. She stayed in the doorway, frozen with heartache. The lamp was still on. She never had the heart to cross through the room far enough to reach the lamp. She always stopped in the same spot, overcome with hurt. People seemed to think once the investigations are over and the funerals completed, the blood of loved ones is magically vanished from existence. That they only leave the gaping holes in their friends' and family's hearts and nothing else. All the belongings and the empty bottles of pills and the sharp knife stained in blood on the sticky carpet stay right where they are. 

Maybe if she had been a better wife she would not have a light permanently on, a stained carpet, a cold, empty bed, a raided medicine cabinet... Julchen finally staggered inside, going to the kitchen with her eyes closed through the living room. She could pretend Maddie was walking beside her if she couldn't see the blood stains. She could even smell that woodsy, earthy smell Maddie had that always made her dizzy. That mixture of honey and maple and some sort of flower that made the dust of heart grind into smaller bits. She could feel the tears prick her eyes and she all but ran to the kitchen. She smacked into the island in her rush, and gasped in pain and surprise. 

She went around the island to the fridge, a trembling hand clinging tight to a beer. She took shaky gulps in between small sobs. Every time she came home the shards of her heart broke and ached all the more for the woman that had gone away. She could hear Maddie’s voice in her sleep and in every sound around her. She saw her face in the mirror and out of the corner of her eye. She wanted her back so badly. She wanted to hold her, see her smile, touch her hair, her face, kiss her mouth… She wanted to see those lovely lively purple eyes instead of being haunted by their dull ghost. 

Julchen stumbled back to the living room, falling to her knees in front of the first pill bottle. It lay a foot away from the knife. Julchen cried harder, her wobbly hand spilling beer over herself and the ruined carpet. Julchen screamed and, in a crescendo of intense agony, chucked the drink across the room. “DAMMIT MADELINE!” 

She hugged herself, doubling over. “Damn it. Damn you. Why? Why did you leave me? Why’d you make me love you? Fuck, Maddie.” 

She cried harder, shaking so violently she thought she would crumbled into little bits and pieces. She couldn’t see the point in it anymore. What was the purpose of being awesome if there was no one out there that you thought was awesome? That you could share such an  _ awesome _ love with? She did not want to  _ be _ without her Madeline. Maybe if they had that family Julchen had just started to think about before… Maybe if she had dogs like Monika. Maybe if it was just her and Monika. But Monika had Feliciano. And she was alone. She didn’t want anyone else either. She didn’t want to move on. Her Madeline was all she had ever needed.

And she was gone. 

“I just want you back, Birdie. Please. I want to be with you.” Julchen begged, pushing her hair out of her face, looking up at her ceiling as though there might be a chance Maddie was there, listening. Julchen looked back at the three pill bottles. One still partially full. 

She went back to the kitchen and poured two glasses of water, still crying hard.

 

***

 

Marianne knocked on the door again, her worry increasing. “ _ Mon amie, _ I brought wine and a movie! Julchen, let me in!” 

With a huff, she shifted her things to her other hand and tried the knob. The door opened easily. 

Furrowing her brow, she entered cautiously. There was a lamp on, the only light in the dark apartment. “Julchen?” 


	4. Extra ~Angels~

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is for Bronzeflower because I felt a little bad actually. So there you go, here's some nice fluff after that
> 
> (Btw, this might sound like I'm condoning suicide in order to be with lost loved ones in heaven or to escape misery or some other thing.  
> I'm in no way saying this. Suicide is tragic and has very serious effects on those you love and ends lives. It's not okay. Please don't hurt yourselves, guys. Just a little side note.)

There was white. It was a sort of bright nothingness in which she resided. She was not even sure she was she in the proper sense of the term. She all but forgot her title, all but forgot her life. It was not misery. This undetermined nonexistence... but it was not happiness either. It was empty with a kind of detached loneliness present. But then it all cleared. It became something altogether different.

The white was obliterated by color. She was sitting on a rug in what looked kind of like a living room. It was lovely with bright red-painted walls and oak floors. The rug was blue with an ornate design that she loved. There was no lights or windows but the room seemed to be illuminated all on it's own. It was roomy with a single plush white couch and a tall bookshelf in the corner. A doorway with no door was to her left but there seemed to be nothing but the white realm she had left through it. She stayed where she was, transfixed by the room. The couch was big enough to sleep on and looked incredibly comfortable.

She had no idea how long she was there before she started hearing her voice. It was not really hearing though. There was a ringing inside her head and she just... knew to approach the bookshelf. She pulled out the first book on the top shelf and opened it. It was a story about a lonely widow mourning her dead wife. The first pages made her weep with heartache, and the drawings accompanying the words made her dizzy with sadness. Every time the ringing in her head started, it meant something important had happened for her to read. All the books told the stories of familiar people with unfamiliar stories. Each on had their names written across the front. There was a lot of ringing sometimes.

She stayed in the room, content with the reading. Whenever she had need of something, it would appear. It was a good place. She liked it. She paid no mind to the doorway. She knew it was not important yet.

Finally, the time came for the doorway to be used. Instead of ringing, she heard whispers in her head. Indistinct, but desperate. The entrance of the doorway had changed to a rainy scene on a street corner. She crossed through the archway cautiously, wondering where it would lead her. She saw the widow from her story, _Julchen_ _Beilschmidt-Williams_ , across the street getting soaked by rain. She understood. She had to intervene now. Convince the poor woman of what had happened. There was a pang in her chest, but she knew what she must do. She crossed the street and led the woman inside a shop. They sat down and she produced a phone from her pocket, trying to convince the white haired woman to read it. When she completed her task, she was taken back to her room.

She paid more attention to the  _Julchen_ _Beilschmidt-Williams_ book after that, reading every new action with a certain bitterness. The doorway stayed on the white realm even when she hoped she would be allowed to intervene. She stayed patient, using the other stories to keep her from getting to worried. The others were moving on well. 

Amelia was seeing a psychiatrist to talk about the death. She was really happy that the American had gone that route. Amelia's girlfriend was doing her best to comfort her as well.

Marianne and Alice were having a very hard time. It was hard to lose a child. She wished she could talk to them, but that was not how it worked. They channeled their grief into helping Julchen and Amelia, which she was happy to see. She knew they would work through this, as difficult as it might be.

 

She was asleep when the worst of the ringing sounded. It was much different from the usual ringing. Like the sound of a tolling bell above a church. It clanged loudly in her mind and she woke with a start, clutching her head. The light of the room was draining through the doorway and for once, she was afraid. She did not feel safe. A sick feeling overcame her. Something dreadful had happened. She tried to stumble to the bookshelf to grab  _Julchen_ _Beilschmidt-Williams_ , but fell before she could. The red walls went from their happy shade to an ominous crimson and she tried for the doorway, but it vanished. 

Before panic could set in, however, things changed once more. The room returned to normal, but there was a door to her right now and nothing on the left where the doorway had once been. She stood on the rug, examining the door curiously. She approached it, knocking twice upon it. The door swung open to reveal a new room. The walls were black and white and there was a lamp in the furthermost corner. A large, canopy bed took up much of the room with a bookshelf and black love seat in the corner adjacent to the lamp. The lamp lit up everything with a perpetual glow. 

Madeline tilted her head, a confused hand running through her loose, light brunette locks. What was the purpose of this new room? 

She left it alone for some time with a small concern in the back of her mind. The  _Julchen Belilschmidt-Williams_ book would not add a single new detail anymore after the widow had gotten home to her apartment. She had an inkling as to what might have happened, but wondered where that meant the woman was. 

 

"Birdie?" 

The loud but determinedly gentle voice awoke her. A smile turned her mouth up with pure joy. She stood and hugged the woman before her tightly. Julchen had never looked better. Her ruby eyes were bright and there was a healthy aura around her. Her snow white hair spilled about her pale shoulder. She was a sight for sore eyes. 

"I should have had to wait so much longer, love." Madeline said, not pulling away from her eager embrace.

Julchen would not respond, burying her face in her wife's hair. Madeline began kissing her jaw, unable to kiss her mouth the way she wanted. She could feel the wet tears dripping onto the side of her neck and face but did not acknowledge on their existence. She could not bring herself to pull away from the hug, too happy to have the woman in her arms. 

"I missed you too much." Julchen finally whispered.

"I love you too, Pooh Bear." Madeline smiled. 

Julchen moved her face to kiss her hard and needy, desperate for affection. Madeline refused to deprive her, letting her have all that longed for. Julchen deserved that and more. The kiss made Madeline see stars. She had forgotten how much Julchen's kisses could make her feel. How wobbly they made her knees. She cupped Julchen's tear-streaked face in her hands and deepened it, a world of unspoken apologies, hurt, love, forgiveness, and hope expressed by the simple actions. 

Julchen nodded her forgiveness when she finally pulled away, drying her tears. They had forever together now, in this wonderful place without insecurities and heartbreak. Without death or destruction. They could be together there and intervene in their loved ones lives when absolutely necessary. And while their own had been short-lived, everything was alright now. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope this was adequate. I tried very hard. I honestly have no idea where this little place came from. I just wanted to write some afterlife-y fluff and BAM new universe. Well, there you go guys. I hope it's decent enough after putting you through the first three chapters.

**Author's Note:**

> Sorry. Not really though.  
> Inspired by Jetpack Blues by Fall Out Boy. Partial credit to Believe_in_the_Journey's You Will Be Missed. That one's much nicer than me


End file.
